~Some Photos from the 3-Month Retreat~

Self-Projections

Little friends

Meditation Hut

The Reservoir

So many lovely fall colors...

Tracing moon designs with slow shutter...

Winter Sunset...

Aftermath of the Ice Storm: beautiful and devastating

Much love,
Eka

~A New Phase, Celebrating Family, and a Return to the Jungle~

Something has changed. A shift, so subtle that I did not notice the moment of its arrival; yet so unmistakable and overt that I cannot but continually be confronted by it. A silent explosion- or maybe an implosion into silence- I am almost unable to articulate.

It is not the experience of refined concentration, for this comes and goes, and I am accustomed to its ebb and flow. No, this is something wholly other...something that is beginning to know itself. More accurately, something that is beginning to see how it could not possibly be this mind or this body, nor anything that arises in awareness. Waking up from a long, deep, disorganized dream, something is stirring in its last moments of sleep.

It has been now just over 2 weeks since the 3-month retreat came to an end. Integration back to the high speed, high stimulation lifestyle of this culture has been quite interesting, teaching me much. I find that if I make the commitment, the householder’s life can be one of great mindfulness and wisdom. This lesson has become clear as I find myself joyfully engaged in family togetherness.

Xmass Dinner at Mom's

Though it is often filled to the brim with tasks and busywork, I see now that there is no time whatsoever when one is cut off from the opportunity to reconnect with reality. Reality is always here, just waiting for us to wake up, stop grasping at shadows, and rest in the real.

If you are asking now, “what is ‘the real’ then?”, I cannot offer you a response that will satisfy. To answer is to fall short of the truth. Of course, many wise beings, out of compassion, have given answers; but these were never answers in themselves, but indications...pointing beyond themselves into truths indescribable.

I can speak to technique though, the very technique that is the cause of my own movement into waking. Look very carefully and consistently at all the senses, at the mind-body phenomenon, and ask, ‘Is this most essential?’, ‘Is this most intimate?’. Watch its nature, see if it changes and moves, see if it is ultimately solid or empty. Systematically, in this way, arrive at an understanding of what you are not. And what you have discovered yourself to not be, let go of. Let go of all the strategy and manipulation and projection and fear and desire bound up in what you are not.

This is all; the whole of the technique. As far as I can see, it leads all the way...all the way to full and final freedom. This systematic practice leads the unattached awareness back to itself, silent and still, undetectable, non-local, beyond space and time. It is the simplest of practices, yet it will take you through every imaginable experience, bringing into consciousness each fear, each belief, each identification that still lingers. All that is required of us is sincere resolve to stay conscious...consciousness itself will do the rest.

And, to the chagrin of the ego, the result of this practice is not, in fact, an individual incapable of practical thought and action...disconnected from the world. As the unreal falls away in the light of the real, the individual becomes straight and true, not held down and retarded by fears and self-interested desire. In all cases I know of, such a free individual becomes a conduit of beauty and strength, interested only in the welfare of all beings. Spontaneous service becomes their joy; they live solely to guide others back to themselves.


--

I don't know how this dose of reality will change things. It has changed everything, to be sure, but I have yet to see where my life will now be drawn. For now, the sense of 'self-development', of needing to 'find the truth', of 'seeking' has taken a great blow. If what I have been looking for, I have always been, then the whole mind-strategy concerning how to go about life is sabotaged to its very core. The incentive is no longer 'getting there', 'finding it', 'becoming enlightened', etc. These were all subtle and sneaky mind-games to keep the heart agitated, in motion, fleeing from shadows. Now there is such a profound sense of rest, of being, of depth, that such strategies make no sense.

So now, as the holidays come to a close, I prepare for my third jungle journey. I am happy for this opportunity, happy to be traveling with a good friend, happy to accept in full consciousness whatever may come. All is well in Truth.

LightLifeLove,
Eka

~Return to Stillness~

Ok my friends. The long retreat begins in just a few days. I feel ready, prepared by all that has happened these last 7 years of seeking, of practice and patience. In reflection, I feel such great gratitude for so much: for the many beings of my extended family, the subtle and not-so-subtle grace that permeates my life, for the strength and courage that have discovered themselves in me. My heart is waking up, and I feel its deepest urges...nothing less than the full freedom of all beings everywhere.

May all beings find peace beyond condition! Happiness beyond reason!

~Eka

~Know the Truth and Be Free~

'The world is an illusion. Brahman alone is real. The world is Brahman.'-Shankara

'By being in alert attention, by observing oneself, with the intention to understand rather than to judge, in full acceptance of whatever may emerge, simple because it is there, we allow the deep to come to the surface and enrich our life and consciousness...this is the great work of awareness.' [paraphrase]-Sri Nisargadatta

'We live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality; we are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing. Being nothing, you are everything. That is all.'-Kalu Rinpoche

~Return to Pachamama~

My good friend Charlie and I had already shared much concerning our love of plant wisdom and the healings it can bring. At times we talked about traveling to the Amazon, but mostly in a non-serious way. But this week, it became clear that something was happening here; that I was meant to connect Charlie with the amazonian tradition of Curanderismo.

Charlie at his workstation

Charlie is the IT supervisor at IMS, and is very good at what he does. We have a lot in common, and quite quickly knew we could be very candid with each other. He moved around a lot growing up (as I did), was from a military family (as I was), is into exploration of consciousness and meditation (as I am), desires the highest and best happiness for all beings (as I do), and is an all round great guy. Also, he is tough, rugged, and I know the jungle environment will not phase him.

As we realized that this adventure was meant to happen, we saw that it would be a true pilgrimage- a sacred journey to a holy place to shed our fears and limitations, to find the pure truth underneath. Both coming from a background in this kind of practice, we know we will support each other in this endeavor...true kalyana mitta.

So, I now throw into the mix this trip, which we have tentatively scheduled for Jan '09. As Charlie cannot take off too much time, we have decided that 5 or 6 weeks is just enough time to go deep.

So for now, I will soon enter into long retreat, going through mid December, coming home briefly for holidays, and then we are off (Goddess willing) to the jungle heart of Peru.



Wai Wai Pachamama!

~Opportunity Without Equal~



As the weeks and months roll on here at IMS, I have been taking week-long retreats when able. Most have been focusing on mindfulness practice (Satipatthana), while one focused on the cultivation of loving-kindness practice (metta). These frequent small retreats, held in the context of an overall meditative environment, have given me, for the first time, the courage to sit the yearly long retreat. This 3 month retreat, traditionally called the ‘rains retreat’ in Buddhism, is an opportunity unlike any other. It offers the possibility of extended deep tranquility and focus.

For a long time I have known about and considered these kinds of long retreats, but have generally been very doubtful of my potential. Even now there is still doubt and fear, but somehow this doesn’t matter any more...the desire to wake up has overcome the desire to stay safe.

So, after a brief pitstop home in PA, I will be returning in mid-September to begin the retreat. It runs from Sept. 20th through Dec. 12th, and will be an unbroken period of solitude, silence, and concentrated practice. I have received so much support, through people and circumstance, in making this joyful desire become reality. In fact, I was recently granted two scholarships significantly reducing the total cost of the retreat.

I finish my work here at IMS with deep gratitude in my heart, with much valuable experience gained, and with greater clarity concerning the next step on this ever-unfolding path. I am ready.

OneLight

To meet myself in beauty
To submit to the way of the Light
To realize the truth of the warrior:
  Life is suffering
Within each suffering center lies
  desire demand death

I grieve and mourn the loss of oneness
The vision of wholeness
Hidden behind the black greed of grasping eyes

O that suffering could be seen as it is:
  A state of contraction
  A withdrawal from the Path of Light

But only by passing through the burning flame of wisdom
Do the warriors' souls become strengthened
Then do they rejoice

Dancing to the noiseless sound of the universal
Turning one heart to all faces
Seeing on face in all hearts
Aflame with the healing power of love

Their chant is blessing
The Morning Star breaks in their song
All creatures rise in radiance at its shining
And even the grasses whisper

Light is eternal
It is the eye and wellspring of the creator

 

--Jose Arguelles

~Awakening Youth~


The weeks have kept sliding by; I have found my own rhythm here, syncopating with the rhythms of the various beings around me. There has been the recurring lesson/insight that I can live a life fully present within the moment, keenly aware, while also holding a sense of planning and a context for the overall picture. There is a way of engaging the mind, in full awareness, to plan and strategize, without falling into a mental trance. It is such an interesting and unique experience once you have it. Much superior to planning where there is an ego fog permeating the whole thing.

So in the last bit of time, two very cool events went down. First, over 50 full-on teenagers from 14 to 19 years old descended onto our quiet community, for a wonderful week of teenage spiritual expression. There was so much energy, so much going on, and so much maturity and vulnerability in the midst of awkward teenage expression. Really a very beautiful and touching experience.



I found their willingness to go to that space of vulnerability and not-knowing just ripped me open, made me so raw and receptive. I can easily say that it was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. Some pics...










And next came the families...



The famous family retreat began soon after the teen retreat ended. I was assigned the 2-5 year olds, even though I had no previous 'professional' experience with this age group. While the parents sat in meditations, or listened to Dhamma talks, the volunteers supervised the kids through various activities. Being with the toddlers turned out to be an incredible experience in shifting perspective/entering an altered state of consciousness.







Children this age truly have an altogether altered state of waking awareness. You can see it in infants/young children if you just watch them doing their own thing for a while. They can spend a half hour just observing the flow of a rain-fed stream, or examine the minute qualities of sand for 20 minutes straight. After a few periods of doing this with the kids, I began to enter into a deeper sense of magic and wonder of the surrounding 'everyday' world. I began to slow down even more, coming into a greater vulnerability.

The mind seems to come into this belief that what it thinks it knows is more powerful and satisfying than what it doesn't know. Yet this very belief keeps our experience narrow and repetitive. The mind fears the new, the unknown...yet the unknown is life itself, the mysterious and fathomless tao. Recoiling and withdrawing from the unknown, we end up stagnating, stuck in a lifeless space of our own making. And when we finally decide to really truly let go into this fear and vulnerability, we find something beyond words, beyond expression. We find we are beyond limits...for fears are limits and in opening to our fears, we dissolve our limits. And we find we are greater than our wildest imaginations of how it might be.

OneLight

~Summer Sangha~



Time flows on and I find my rhythm here. My relationships are deepening, and I have found, surprisingly, a great gratitude in the peer sangha I have discovered here. By this I mean those here of my generation that live their day to day lives realistically seeking to awaken, to find what is real.



It is a beautiful thing to be able to share the range of human experience with a friend without feeling that we have to hold something back. To be able to throw frisbee or play 4-square, and in the next instance be sharing something very personal and deep...that these peers are ready to go there, and to support us in the diverse journey.



And more generally I am feeling more and more the pleasure of co-existing in Sangha. The youngest members of our community are around 17-18, with the oldest being well into their 60's and 70's. We all co-habitate, seeking to find our individual balance within a sense of comm-unity. I have already found good friends- sincere human beings- of all ages, backgrounds, and personalities with which to share my journey; and I find I take equal joy in supporting their own unique journeys as well. As far as I can tell, the journey to Truth is only one path and only one realization, yet the expression of this path seems inexhaustible in its diversity.

~Apparent Diversity, Essential Unity~

It brings into question just what is a life lived well; what is it to live healthfully in a community? It seems to me there is an answer; that this answer is 'sincerity'. But this answer, like the path itself, appears different in every moment, responding with sensitivity and unwavering honesty to the micro-context that has arisen.




There is no strategy for being present...one simply has to be present. In fact, living by way of strategy, and living by way of presence seem to be very different approaches to life. Strategy implies that we can always think ourselves through life's challenges, by way of reason and analysis. Certainly this is how many people and whole societies seem to approach life in our current era. But to always be engaging life through concepts keeps us some distance from the raw, unfiltered experience of it. We think about life from a distance, enmeshed in our concepts with a sense of security and control; yet underneath this conceptual veneer, we feel estranged from the direct experience of our own lives, we fear it and the vulnerability that it requires.

This past week also saw a lovely visit from my father. It was his first time up to the center, and though our time was short, it was a deep sharing. When I can wake up out of the ego-funk that overcomes me from time to time, I find such gratitude for the circumstances of my life. When unconscious, all seems like a struggle. Yet upon waking to our ever-present awareness, life takes on an effortless beauty. It is here without struggle, manifesting exactly the situations and experiences our individual psyches need to come face to face with Truth. This truly is the activity of Grace.


May you all quickly and easily encounter that which is real, aware, and beautiful.
~EkaJoti