~The Human Experience~ 

These past weeks, I have had the opportunity to undergo deep journeys with sadness, longing, anger, fear, and the like.  What fierce grace it has been!

Two major events I can see as causes.  I began to say goodbye to my workplace and home of the past 5 months.  And second I had to let go of a being that had gone deep into my heart in a short and intense period of time.

I am writing, not to relate these stories or simply express my feelings, but to share with you the insights that arose from meeting head-on these painful energies.

~

One thing that was strongly noticed, was how pre-disposed my mind was to seeing these feelings as 'bad'.  Looking at this tendency, I found it interesting to question what my mind meant by bad.  Bad meant, 'I don't want it'.  And, to my chagrin, when asking the mind, 'why don't I want it', the response was, 'because its bad'.  Ahh, we need such humor on this path.

Sadness was inherently bad, so said my mind.  Yet when I really was able to be with the sadness, with the pain and gnawing in my gut, and the sense of low, dark energy, I found that, yes, there too was the abundant heart of awareness.  Even in the midst of something the mind found completely unbearable, the spiritual heart continued to pulse away on its love and light and joy.

The continual re-lessoning of letting go was also present.  It became so clear that, whenever and however I grasped hold, I would bring suffering into the equation- suffering for self and other.  So the question and challenge became, 'how do I give space and expression to such a deep and intense love, while remaining open and uncontrolling in this extreme vulnerability?'  I'm still working on that one...but I'll let you know if I get anywhere.

Many times I had conversations with my fear.  It was a fear of losing something so good, so powerful.  It was the mind spinning out into its worries of whether something like this could ever happen again.  And of course, there is no way to know.  There is no way to know even the next sensation we will experience, let alone something as complex as the meeting of two beings.  And when I really investigated, I saw that so much goodness had come into my life because I had made room for it, because I had trusted and opened up, and let myself fall fully into my experience here-and-now.  And now, this fear said, 'don't be so vulnerable, don't trust the path unfolding, because I need to know and control.'  It is so small and narrow, this fear, and I cannot believe it.  Not with so much of my experience saying otherwise.

So for me, a fundamental lesson coming out of this experience is trust.  Simply trust; trust the unfolding, even when we have no sense of where it is going.  The inconceivable intelligence moving through life is taking care of all this.  Just trust.

The other fundamental lesson is that each movement, each energy, has its compliment.  To feel such elation, such upliftment, such pleasure, a balance must eventually be found in the coming down.  And this coming down is not to be avoided.  It is a part of the complete dance, that is all.

Kahlil Gibran brings beautiful words to this truth in The Prophet:

Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.

And he answered:

'Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.'

Ahh, Gibran was truly human.

in love,

eka joti

~Camp Olympics~

Here are some pics from our olympics day, the equivalent of 'color day' at other camps.  It was great fun, and everybody won!  Tis the waldorf way.

The whole camp was split into three teams: red, blue, and green.  We were judged on three aspects: team spirit, effort, and sportsmanship.  They all kind of seem like the same category, I know ;)

Games included: soccer, standing long jump, high jump, home run derby, tetherball, four square, limbo, ping pong, beautiful dive, relay races, and crazy dive.

Enjoy the pics!

 

in communion,

onelight

~The End of Things~

I write now from a point of incredible fatigue and happiness.  5 months have gone by since I arrived here at Hawthorne Valley, fresh off a trip to the Amazon, and 2 months have passed since the true beginning of summer farm camp, and I am so drained on every level.

And, I am happy.  For this draining out has come along with wonderful, indescribable experiences of discovery, challenge, celebration, and letting go.

And still further, this has all been happening in the context of an adventurous, youthful, joyous community of peer-workers, set in the larger context of a beautiful, vibrant farming community unlike any other.  I feel such gratitude for this place and for all my family here.  You have all made this summer experience incomparably special.

~

So now, as always happens, we shift into a space of closing down, of transition...an exhale of all we have known and loved...so that newness may enter into our space of exhalation.  And for me, this brings strong and complex feelings.  Sadness is marked by gratitude, excitement with anticipation, vulnerability with tenderness.  All of it swirling around inside the deep heart of consciousness...

Ahh, what may come... 

in gratitude,

eka

~Unbound and Unbecome~

I feel you friend.  I know you are there.  For you are everywhere.

Everywhere I look I find you shining through.  Every time I stop, there you are waiting.  Every being I meet, you are there beneath.

Your constancy is mind-blowing, heart-exploding, beyond knowing.

In the stillness and silence and non-assumption of my being, you are there...already and always.

There is nowhere I can look, nothing I can feel, that is not simply a movement in your infinite body.

There is no space between your infinite, eternal body and this finite, temporal body.  Not even an atom of separation.

My knowing is your knowing, unbound and unbecome.

All I can do is exhale into this mystery...and trust.

~Quickie~

About two weeks since my last post.  The time between has been so full of experiences subtle and intense...human adventures and endeavors that words have a hard time expressing.

It continually magnifies the challenge and constant motion of this human life.  Highs and lows seem to come together, even simultaneously.  Paradox is the rule, and there are always, always more questions than answers.

Ahhh, I give great thanks for this path, for the conditions that lead to waking up and letting go, and for all of you sharing in this sacred, foolish journey with me.  What beautiful fools we are!

~

Also, I give great thanks for this new mayan year, Yellow Self-Existing Seed.  Day Out of Time was yesterday, full of intense energies, movement, the stirring up and burning down of illusions, and a sense of service- 'love made visible'.  Now we move from our previous Electric Storm year into a year guided by energies of self-germination, fertile ground, creation and gestation, opening, possibility, and sowing focused intentions.

Oh, my friends, regardless of time or place, select the best seeds and sow them far and wide, tend them well, and enjoy their fragrant blossoms and sweet fruit.  Now is the time!

~

In the world of practical manifestation, farm camp is going very well.  Our group is full of flavor...so much diverse energy and vision.  I am staying healthy, engaged, and ever-stretching into the daily challenge.  Also, plans for the late summer and early fall are taking concrete shape.  My journeys will take me by train, plane, and bus across the states, coming through San Fran, and coming to rest in San Diego.  I will post the specifics a bit later on.

Much love and light to you all...one tribe, one vision, one world.

Eka. 

~Body and Mind as two expressions of Consciousness~

Below is a piece written by Kyla's yoga teacher Patty Townsend.  The piece speaks about mind-body oneness, the aproach of true yoga, and the underlying field of consciousness.  Patty's studio is located in Amherst, MA, offering an approach to mind-body practice called Embodyoga.

Yoga means unity.  The practice of yoga is not a return to unity because we never left it.  Unity is what is happening, but it may not be our experience. 

Yoga consists of the practices that bring the embodied experience of unity into the forefront of each individual practitioner’s personal awareness.  Using body and mind we turn our awareness inward.  We direct the flow of consciousness back inward and onto itself. This practice of inner sensing and inquiring leads us through the grossest levels of body and mind and we gain access to the deeper, subtler expressions of life that we are.

This is as absolutely valid in the body as it is in the mind.  Every cell is awake, alive and present.  Full realization is not just a state of mind.  Full realization is a full body-mind-consciousness experience.  Each cell is as awake and alive as every other.  Each aspect of personality is radiating in clear and perceptible expression of its true nature and is only lightly veiled by the colors of individuality.

In the mind we follow our thoughts, qualities and traits inward to discover their source.  In the body we follow sensations, qualities and traits to their source.  The body-mind field is the field of chitta – consciousness.  Body and mind are utterly and inextricably linked.  We can enter the body through the mind and we can enter the mind through the body.  As consciousness exists in every cell it is entirely reasonable to consider delving deeply into the field of consciousness by delving deeply into the field of cellular awareness.

As we deepen our experience of body we come to realize that there really is no separation between body and mind at all!  What we find at the subtle levels of body is consciousness and what we find at the subtle levels of mind is consciousness.  In fact wherever we go in to the body-mind system ultimately leads us to the same source - the limitless field of pure-being, cosmic intelligence.

Well-said...

 

Eka

~The 80's Descend on Cairo Roller Rink~

So, as part of our collective exhale, and in honor of several consecutive birthdays (10th, 11th, 12th), about 15 of us dawned our best 80's gear and hair-styles to bring the party to Cairo.  Basically, we rocked it.

One of the most fun experiences I have had in a while (and I am having fun experiences all the time too!).  The owner was way into it, and played almost all 80's and early 90's hits.  There was a disco ball, couples songs, dance-offs in the middle, and general ridiculousness all around. Much love to all my roller-buddies.  Enjoy the pics!

with humor and love,

Eka

~The Long Exhale~

I sit now on a lovely Sunday, quiet here at the farm.  Yesterday parents and family members came from all around to reunite with their campers.  They have all left, and we are now exhaling back into ourselves.

The past two weeks have been incredible.  So full of challenge and growth; so many things to improve on, and so many things done well.  To be with children and youth in this way gives such clear and immediate reflection of one's own fears, self-imposed limitations, and contradictions.

I could write a long time on the particulars of things done well and things at which to get better, but at the moment I don't feel like writing too much.  Maybe its all part of the long exhale...coming out of a space of intense and near-constant extroversion...needing time to rest and digest this fierce grace.

I will instead offer these photos taken over our camp time to give a summation of all the unique and diverse energies that came together.  Oh, also I turned 28 today.  I am remembering myself...

in great gratitude,

Eka

~That Which Illuminates~

So, there is a world.  At least, we sense something.  We see, smell, taste, touch, hear...there is a sensuous experience.  When we look to find what these sensations are, we are confronted with an emptiness, a mystery.  For substance gives way to molecules, molecules give way to atoms, atoms to electrons, electrons to quarks...at at each stage 99.9 percent of what we find is space, changing trillions of times each moment.  And what do quarks give way to?  It is truly a mysterious, ineffable emptiness, yet an emptiness that is full of reality.  So humbling this discovery!

So we are having an experience, an experience of mystery and wonder; yet, what enables this mysterious wonder to be known?  To discover this we must turn inward...not to the inside of our bodies, but to the consciousness itself.  In the west I have read all sorts of pieces putting forth just how and where consciousness is produces within the physical organism, yet none of these have been able to answer more questions than they raise.  Consciousness, even in this age, remains the greatest mystery, and also the greatest discovery.

Do not try to use the mind, for we can see that the mind lies within consciousness.  If not, how could we know the contents of our mind, or the unfolding of thought process, or even (if we are quick enough) the filtering of raw sense experience through our concepts?  No, to the mind consciousness cannot be known to satisfaction.  Consciousness itself must be utilized in order to arrive at this intimate understanding.

But how to do this?  One way that has come through for me is touching into the sense that 'everything is illuminated'.  This consciousness, this knowing, is like a light, shining through everything, making it visible (experienceable).  What is it that illuminates?  We gradually train ours minds to let go of fixation on objects, and shift attention to the ability to know the objects.  It is very subtle, and unavailable to the mind enslaved to objects.  As Nisargadatta said, 'the child plays with the toy; the wise mother pays attention to the child, not the toy.'  So we must do the same if we are to come into direct contact with this mystery...this mystery of our own true nature.

What is it that knows this right now?  What enables it to shine forth?  It feels like the raw life current itself, the source allowing all to happen, the totality, god, reality, truth.  Just relax and feel the pulse, the pull, the alarm clock gently gracing you awake.  It is all around, unavoidable, inevitable.

In presence,

eka

~Jamming!~

This week the just-arrived counselor group along witht the assistant cooks took a trip to the local organic strawberry farm.  In about an hour we picked just over 130 pounds of strawberries!

The next day we set up a no-fooling-around production line to process and jam all these lovely berries.  We ended up with about 30 quart mason jars, and at that point decided to puree and freeze the rest for various tasty treats later on.

A wonderful and delicious excuse for a community-building activity.  Here's a slideshow of our wonderful process.

light and love...

~Diving In~

So today four months of preparation here at Hawthorne Valley Farm culminates in the official beginning of our summer camp season.  Though we still have two weeks before any of the kids arrive, today the Field Camp counselors begin their two week orientation period.

I feel happy, and ready, to welcome these four counselors to the farm, and to the kind and vibrant community of Hawthorne.  It will be my duty to guide these four into a deep understanding of the farm, market garden, bakery, dairy, deli, sauerkraut cellar, camp facilities, health and safety, swimming, off-site trips...basically every aspect of our camp.

So in a very real way, what I know, the degree to which I know it, and how well I can articulate it will have a large impact on the overall skill and readiness of our eventual Field Camp team.  This is exciting...calling forth the best from me.

So, for the next month or so, most of my energy will be bound up in this joyful undertaking; and when I do have a free moment, I will be directing that towards the ever-evolving Playful Heart process.  Of course, I will take many pictures and eventually put up posts about our farm adventures, but I can't guarantee too much right now.

Until the next time...

with a warm heart,

eka

~To Work and Play the Day Away~

There is a community here, called Triform, where youth, adults, and families work along side special-needs people 18 and up.  They describe themselves this way:

Triform Camphill Community is a rural, residential, therapeutic community serving young adults with special needs.  Triform seeks to build a vital community life that provides each young resident the possibility for healing, self-development and fulfillment of his or her potential.

I visited them just recently for a morning garden group followed by a community meal, and then later on in the week for a tour of all that goes on at Triform.  The idea is that our summer camp will visit Triform for a morning work group and a communal meal, to facilitate exposure between adolescents and special-needs groups.

What I found there was truly beautiful.  Yes, the land and spaces are beautiful; but I am speaking here about the special-needs people themselves, and the houseparents that are so committed to them.  As I entered the gathering hall for the monday morning meeting, even in the midst of a song, I saw so many faces turn to meet me, inquiringly, with a sense of wonder.  Immediately I realized that this is the same look/energy I feel from children.  It is a sense of not-knowing, and the discovery that results.  As the meeting progressed, I found myself feeling into this energy, which was very strong.  It was not directed at me per se, but at the experience in general.

When I was invited to introduce myself, I was greeted by many unprompted 'hellos' and 'welcomes', many smiles, and even many questions as to if I was staying for the morning, the meal, or even if I was planning on living there.  It was just such an upfront innocence, with so little self-referencing...the kind of energy I also find in life-long practitioners of self-inquiry and letting go.

Later on, as I worked alongside these very special people in the gardens, I found such a unique, polarized mix of simplicity and complication.  Certainly, it is not easy having these special needs, or trying to meet them.  There is a complexity and challenge in it.  Yet at the same time, it was so much more simple than a typical day in the garden...a real sense of 'just being with'.  Almost a sense of no agenda- though of course, there were many things to get done along a certain schedule.

Lunchtime was more of the same: a strange mix of simplicity and challenge.  Yet throughout all of this was the very palpable energy of unconditional acceptance.  They were ready to meet my gaze and hold it, looking deep into me as them allowed me to look into them.  Really, a very evolved state in many ways.

So here are my pictures from those two days at triform.  Please enjoy, and inquire further if you feel the spark.

in gratitude,

eka

~A Playful Heart Process~

Just wanted to give a quick shout out to our community/healing center project, Playful Heart.  Our website is about 70% up and full of our vision, mission, personal bios, a brochure, and a weblog explaining the ebbs and flows of this challenging and dynamic process.

Please check it out, see if our work/play speaks to you...and who knows, maybe you will even feel a call to get involved =]

one family,

onelight

~Greylock~

Just got back from a lovely solo hike at Mt. Greylock in Massachusetts.  It is the highest point in the state, and is woven through with many trails, including the AT.

Basically, I was checking out a route and camp site for later on in the summer for our big, overnight hike with the campers.  The weekend was ideal, with clear skys and warm yet dry air.  All in all I hiked about 10 miles over 24 hours, and found the adventure perfect for a group of 14 year olds.

Here is a slide show of my hike.

~Tendai Buddhist Institute~

On my way back to the farm, I almost missed a sign for a zen buddhist center in Canaan.  I decided to stop and poke around.  I'm glad I did, as I was able to meet and talk with the abbott there, a warm and mellow older man named Monshin that had spent much of his life in Japan.

He showed me around the land and their strikingly beautiful meditation hall, and described in fascinating detail different aspects of the zendo and this particular lineage, which is Tendai Buddhism as founded by Saicho in the end of the 8th century.

Interestingly, this lineage is also known as Ekayana, distinguishing it from Mahayana and so-called Hinayana traditions.  Eka means one, and yana means vehicle.  The approach of this school blends aspects of many schools, including Zen, Chan, Pure Land, Theravada, and Tibetan traditions.

As we finished our dialogue, Monshin invited me to stay and sit, which I did, and during this time I was further struck by the focus and simplicity of the space.

The zendo holds dharmatalks and sittings every Wednesday, and longer weekend services periodically.  Their website it www.tendai.org

Below are some images of the land and zendo.  Enjoy!

 

In gratitude,

Eka

~So Near~

Before finding Me,

Mankind spends many lifetimes searching for the truth.

He tries so many devious ways of reaching it,

And yet how few have really found Me

Within the center of their very being.

They found it too difficult to think of Me,

Creator of all things,

As within themselves.

Yet here I Am.

And all man has to do is to seek and he will find.

But he seeks in every place but the right place,

Within himself.

I am so near that he does not recognize Me.

excerpt from Foundations of Findhorn, one of our guiding books for the co-creation of Playful Heart.

Eka

~Always That~

God is love-love is truth-I am that-always that

I am you-you are me-we are that-always that

All is self-self is real-realize that-always that

Something I wrote in India 4 years back.  Still quite potent for me.

Eka 

~'Shatter Your Ideals on the Rock of Truth'~

Hazrat Inayat Khan, Sufi master, and founder of Universal Sufism.

His wisdom legacy to us:

1. There is One God, the Eternal, the Only Being; None exists save He.
2. There is One Master, the Guiding Spirit of all souls, Who constantly leads all followers toward the Light.
3. There is One Holy Book, the Sacred Manuscript of Nature, the only Scripture that can enlighten the reader.
4. There is One Religion, the unswerving progress in the right direction toward the Ideal, which fulfills the life's purpose of every soul.
5. There is One Law, the Law of Reciprocity, which can be observed by a selfless conscience, together with a sense of awakened justice.
6. There is one Family, the Human Family, which unites the Children of Earth indiscriminately in the Parenthood of God.
7. There is one Moral Principle, the Love which springs forth from a willing heart, surrendered in service to God and Humanity, and which blooms in deeds of beneficence.
8. There is One Object of Praise, the Beauty which uplifts the heart of its worshipper through all aspects from the seen to the unseen.
9. There is One Truth, the true knowledge of our being, within and without, which is the essence of Wisdom.
10. There is One Path, the effacement of the limited self in the Unlimited, which raises the mortal to immortality, in which resides all Perfection.

May we all know the One...the One that is I, You, and We.

In communion,

Eka

~9th Grade Practicum~

This past week I had the pleasure of working and playing with the 9th grade class from Hawthorne Valley School.  We tented out in the woods for the week, opening to experiences of farm and nature.  Truly, my heart feels such joy in seeing these young adults, coming into their own, eyes open, minds full of wonder, hearts seeking for true connection.  In many of these youth, I saw readiness...a readiness to move into and heal the accumulated wounds of our collective inheritance.  An uprightness and courage of heart; a knowing, maybe not yet fully-conscious, of a real and wonderful task that humanity and the world at large need them to take up and see through.

In truth, I felt honored to have the chance to work with them, to find inspiration in their inspiration, and to know that, at least, I can let them know they have a divine purpose here that is undeniable.

With great gratitude,

Eka

~Awakened Words for All Planetary Passengers~

Below are the first few paragraphs of a commencement address given to the University of Portland class of 2009 by Paul Hawken.  Read this and release into its truth.  Feel it resonate within your cells, and pay close attention to what urge rises up within you.  Find your path in this age of good work.  We are all together in it.

~

When I was invited to give this speech, I was asked if I could give a simple short talk that was "direct, naked, taut, honest, passionate, lean, shivering, startling, and graceful."  Boy, no pressure there.

But let's begin with the startling part.  Hey, Class of 2009: you are going to have to figure out what it means to be a human being on earth at a time when every living system is declining, and the rate of decline is accelerating.  Kind of a mind-boggling situation...but not one peer-reviewed paper published in the last thirty years can refute that statement.  Basically, the earth needs a new operating system, you are the programmers, and we need it within a few decades.

This planet came with a set of operating instructions, but we seem to have misplaced them.  Important rules like "don't poison the water, soil, or air, and don't let the earth get overcrowded, and don't touch the thermostat" have been broken.  Buckminster Fuller said that spaceship earth was so ingeniously designed that no one has a clue that we are on one, flying through the universe at a million miles per hour, with no need for seatbelts, lots of room in coach, and really good food, but all that is changing.

There is invisible writing on the back of the diploma you will receive, and in case you didn't bring lemon juice to decode it, I can tell you what it says: YOU ARE BRILLIANT, AND THE EARTH HIS HIRING...

~

...link to full speech... 

In Family,

Eka

~The Awakened State~

This state, if it is the 'natural state', should be there when we let go of everything, when we give up trying and trying to not try, when we put down all belief, all presumption, all memory and expectation, when we sit awake and completely vulnerable in our raw experience, this reality should be recognized directly.

In other words, we aren't 'doing' this state, it is not another manipulation...it is letting go of all manipulations, to rest that which does not change, that which is essential.

OneLight